They (read: haughty 30 somethings at parties) say Hollywood is out of ideas. This was evidenced today when Joseph Kahn, director of such lofty vehicles as 20th Century Masters: The Best of New Edition and Onyx: 15 Years of Videos, History & Violence released a “FAN FILM… strictly for exhibition” short to a property he didn’t own, the Power Rangers, starring human meme James Van Der Beek.
They (read: us dirtshits at this blog) say that the internet lives in an echo chamber, where any idea that gains some clicks immediately gets taken to an overwhelming extreme ruining any fun the original concept had, much like those Rob Lowe commercials. This is evidenced by graphic designers spending their copious amount of free time “re-imagining” things like, oh I dunno, NFL logos. Today’s example is some dude thinking he can do a better job than Nike at showcasing our beloved NFL helmets on the field.
So, what’s more objectively awful: making a hacky short about a campy children’s show, draining any fun and nostalgia from it by inserting curse words and massive head wounds, or Paul Bunyan Design’s taek on NFL helmets? Let’s compare.
Power Rangers: Not only is it unoriginal to take a stagnant property and add a decade of human apathy towards sex and violence to it, but the “FAN FILM THIS IS JUST FOR FUN OKAY GUYS?” has already been done.
NFL Helmets:
![bears helmet]()
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Minotaur! Taste the Beast!
Power Rangers: If you didn’t already figure out that this was a Gritty Reboot™, it’s titled “Power/Rangers” because that’s some edgy punctuation. It reminds me of reading the TV Guide (which in my country was called “TV Times”) and reading “Caroline/City” because of formatting issues due to space on a page.
NFL Helmets:
![dolphins helmet]()
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It’s a Dolphin on the moon.
Power Rangers: James Van Der Beek seemed to do himself a favor by poking fun at himself when he was in that sitcom acting opposite (gulp) Krysten Ritter, hopefully undoing some of the deflation his career felt after being known more for a photo of him crying than his slick portrayals of young men at odds with their societal expectations. Unfortunately, even after watching this 14 minute flaming pubic hair accident and feeling like perhaps the source material just wasn’t enough for ol’ Beeky to work his magic on, one of the first credits lets us know that he actually had a hand in writing it. See you later, career!
NFL Helmets:
![giants helmet]()
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It’s like if Lorne Michaels performed auto-fellatio while Billy Joel and Alicia Keys looked on, crocheting the lyrics to “New York, I Love You” on a Disney pillow.
Power Rangers: The big reveal is that the woman from the Gritty Reboot™ of Battlestar Galactica is actually (spoilers for anyone who actually gives a goddamn) Queen Rita wearing a suit made of woman. Damn it. You almost made my monster grow, and you ruined it.
NFL Helmets:
![vikings helmet]()
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You’ve added pigtails to the Vikings helmet, presumably so the NFC North has something to grab onto while they facefuck them every year.
Power Rangers: The original red Power Ranger has since become a porn star much like the middle sister on Family Matters (who was written off the show by going upstairs one episode and just never coming down). That’s what happens to the me first gloree boyz on any team. We live to see them hit bottom, and not get invited to the FAN FILM I DON’T OWN THIS PROPERTY coming-out (heh) party.
NFL Helmets:
![packers helmet]()
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Me first glory boys need me first glory holes.
In conclusion:
![bengals helmet]()
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The Bengals are apparently no longer Bengals, but that Toucan everyone loves so much that got a de-beaking from some thugs.
![crying james]()
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Anyone have the number of those de-Beeking thugs?